i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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