Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
