I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
