Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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