im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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