I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
