Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Having a random hookup so left but love u
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Someone came in the potted fern
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
