is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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