when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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