Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
