then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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