This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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