sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
