Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
