There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize