Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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