your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My first STD was from a foam party
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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