Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
