it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
