ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
