I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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