In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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