He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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