As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
