if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
