Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
