her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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