We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
