i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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