my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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