i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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