FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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