it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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