Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
