Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
smell my finger.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
