Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
