yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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