im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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