is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
