I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
