the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
