It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
