I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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