I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
