I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had sex on a roof
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
