do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
