Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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