my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
