I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
