mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
