I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish i was in the wii world.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
