I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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