If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
