I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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