I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
