Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
