I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
