Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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