i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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