xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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