i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
