I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
