He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
