Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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